It only takes a moment, that’s all it takes. I’m so grateful I never went through with suicide. In 2017 I stepped off a curb into oncoming traffic. A guy grabbed my hoodie and yanked me back to safety. I’ve never seen him again but I’ll never forget him. He saved my life and if I wasn’t wearing a hoodie I’d be gone.
Then my friend Lauren, who I worked with, getting in my face when I mentioned I wanted to die. She didn’t know me well but looked at me with such conviction and her words were stern. She said I wasn’t aloud to die! She and I aren’t friends anymore but she saved me too.
I have battled anxiety and depression for years and every so often it turns to a desperate place. These were instances in which I was overwhelmed and others noticed. I am unsure I’ll ever see or speak to these two souls again, but that’s the beauty of life. People are often seasonal or even more temporary. I can think of people I’ve known a short time that changed me more than lifelong friends. I also know I’ve been those people to others. I have lost a lot of friends to suicide but I have helped others stay. It’s a crazy life, I just know these stories matter.
It’s so true that 2017 was a dark time, I wanted to go. I’ve been there a few times in my life. Sonehow I didn’t go. I have something that keeps me here. These people that come in my life for moments, are part of my story. I love them. No doubt. I’d never had got into therapy, AA, met my girlfriend or gotten into college. These two people took a moment to care. No matter what happens, I’m eternally grateful.
Soon, in a few weeks I’ll be moving yet again to start a new chapter. I’m healthier now than ever, my mind is still healing and I’m facing new challenges. I’m still sober, in therapy and starting my bachelors program at Kent State University. I even released two books this year, three since 2018 and an album. It might be a nightmare but somehow I’m still here to suffer through it. For that I’m grateful.