My friend tells some wild tales, often at his wife’s expense. One particular occasion, he claims that she threw dishes on Cleveland comic book legend Harvey Pekar’s wife, and did so more than once, as his tale is told. I suspect this is slightly embellished, maybe it happened once, or not at all. Perhaps an accident while serving or a simple mishap? I doubt she is a serial dish dumper or somehow targeting Mrs. Pekar. Either way, the story is vehemently denied by the accused. So the story goes into the books of lore that make for great inside jokes and terribly funny ways to annoy ones spouse.

Though it got me thinking, what if there’s more to the story. Assuming Mrs Pekar is a lovely human there would be no reason to throw dishes on her. Then again I don’t her well enough, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. Then of course the dish dumper might just be clumsy and as luck would have it, Pekar is there. Again there really is no way of knowing and the accused has denied any involvement anyway.

So I began thinking, what if this is some sort of phenomenon or even a condition, some X-Files shit, where a person is compelled to dirty up the spouse of a famous artist? But then….I thought what if it’s a mutation, an X-Men type thing?

I mean in such a scenario, mutants would exists and they would have powers but would all powers be cool or battle worthy? Maybe some would be less awesome but useful or at the very least trivially humorous? Like being able to always match or never pay for cable? The ability to control snack machines or communicate with sea birds? I don’t know?

I imagine very specific abilities, that only manifest in certain places. For instance, what if someone had a mutated sense of direction but only with in Six Flags amusement parks? Or maybe they could walk through walls but only on Saturday’s and only in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn? Or someone who had automatic peeling factor, and was only really useful when eating bananas? These are important questions.

Clearly not all mutants are alike and not everyone can be Wolverine, or Storm or whatever. Take Spider-Man, bit by a radioactive spider that gave him super human powers, but what if another guy had the same thing happen but he just creeps people the fuck out and eats insects? Think of the Hulk and what if that happened but instead of green and angry, he turned blue got depressed and listened to Morrissey alone? Obviously hypothetical, just playing the averages, I suspect some underwhelming mutations could occur.

At any rate, my friends wife may or may have thrown dishes on Harvey Pekar’s wife, and she may or may not have done it more than once. I can’t say, nor can I speak to her having a grudge or compulsion to do such things to Mrs. Pekar and of course any mutation is clearly beyond my meager knowledge of genetics so we can only assume this tale to be the elaborate story of the mind of her highly imaginative husband.

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