Men should be calling out other men for being womanizers, abusers, predators, homophobes, bullies, perverts, creepers etc. When you do this, people will be mad, maybe want to fight you or no longer be your friend, but the right thing is not always the easy thing.
Being expected to sleep around and “get pussy” is a disgusting but true to life norm in male culture. It’s sad and pathetic behavior. I was bullied for years for not having sex, not trying to fuck everything and even picked on for not trying to go out and get laid after my divorce. I tried to explain that I’m not a selfish person and being sober makes me less likely to ever approach a drunk woman, I have no business doing that. It’s wrong.
I know I lost a lot of guy friends over the years because I wouldn’t play the normal dude game of hunt and gather. My dick is not my measuring stick of success. I have had very few sexual partners or experiences in my life, not because I wasn’t “getting lucky” but I never felt comfortable about being that type of person.
I was assaulted twice before I willingly lost my virginity, both scarred me for a longtime but both took place in my 20s, Of which I battled shame and guilt for years I wasn’t waiting until marriage for any faith reasons I was waiting to be with someone I could share that with genuinely and without reservation. Unfortunately two different people decided to take that from me. I lost something I couldn’t get back and it affects me still.
Most of my good friends have been women since high school. I wasn’t a typical kid, I was a weirdo and boys weren’t kind. I played sports but I wasn’t a jock, I lived in the art room and was not competitive or an asshole. I was picked on which made me angry and violent. I turned to that side of me and often turned it on those types.
Since HS I found my place being always out of place, especially with men. I don’t find much in common with most guys because it’s mainly sex, drinking, sports and violence that intrigues the typical American male. I was called a faggot so much from 15-23 I wondered if maybe I was gay or maybe a-sexual because being “A Man” didn’t appeal to me at all. Fuck that macho bullshit. I like art, theater, music, and talking about my feelings. I don’t need to fuck or get a blowjob to feel I matter and I don’t need to yell at TVs either on Sunday afternoons.
I am an alien, a non-conforming, un-manly, heterosexual white man. I’m privileged but I’m very aware and very conscious of my actions and words. I know rape culture is a terrible reality abut more so American male culture is a travesty. It’s a culture based in dominance, entitlement and a complete disregard for others, especially women. It’s driven by the idea that men are to be strong, violent, sex crazed, homophobic, imbeciles just wandering in packs watching sports, drinking heavily and waving their dicks around. That is not me and never will be.
I’ve told many a guy he was a scumbag. I’ve been punched in the face for getting involved with a guy hurting a woman, and I’ve unfriended privately and publicly many a abusive or predatory dude-bro. I still haven’t done enough and will continue to work to end this ridiculous male culture of self-satisfaction and macho nonsense.
I’m not perfect, I’m actually all fucked up. I maybe limited in my sexual experiences and my number of women I’ve taken to bed but I feel very respected by those women who know me. I know I’ve never forced myself on anyone or catcalled or been that fucking idiot. I do know however I have objectified ladies or said mean things about someone for which I’m not proud, I can always do better. All men can do better and we should be better at calling out the bad ones. Let’s make being a man something respectable.