#mentalhealthawarenessmonth day 26
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Being vulnerable is hard, add mental illness it can be almost impossible for many of us. It’s hard to open up because of fear of judgement and fear of what we can’t control. I have a terrible self-image, I think I’m fat, gross and unattractive, pretty much all the time. I never take my shirt off or go swimming or anything where I have to be exposed even a little. I sleep in my clothes, no matter the temperature. Vulnerability is hard for me when it comes to my own body and how I look. I snapped this when I got out of the shower the other day for this post but I was afraid to post it. Even though I’ve lost weight and am healthier I still see a large thing in the mirror, which is irrational but it’s my own self-judgement. When I go out, I try to dress in a way to not be noticed, it’s partly why I grew my hair, to feel hidden. I know that’s silly but it’s true. So this is my attempt to be vulnerable, not that drastic but it’s me, in a very natural state, hair a mess, no shirt, pale as hell and no filters. It may seem stupid but it’s huge to step out of my comfort zone. It’s why I’m talking about mental illness this month, in my vulnerability there is strength. Thanks for reading and I hope you all are able to love yourselves a little more each day. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #vunerability #bodyimage #selfimage #depression #anxiety #ptsd #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #comfortzone #mentalhealthmonth #words
#mentalhealthawarenessmonth day #25
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Messy hair, don’t care. Over the past 3-4 years I’ve gone through changes. I got divorced, travelled, lived in 3 states, had 4 jobs, was diagnosed with physical and mental illnesses and went back to school. I’m 43 years old, I’m almost 7 years sober, yet I lost my faith in a higher power the day I decided to get clean, and I stopped getting hair cuts a year ago. In January of this year I quit the last job I had to focus on my academic pursuits, which was scary but it worked as I got a 4.0 and managed to budget enough to live on the entire semester. On top of that I’ve released a book and an album this past year. All that said, I’m still a mess, my hair, my clothes, my room, and my mind, but that’s okay. I’m in therapy and see a psychiatrist, who both have helped me greatly. I also have Medicaid so I have a great family doctor who has turned my unhealthy lifestyle around, changing my eating and mindset. I’ve reversed my diabetes and my high blood pressure, now I’m challenged to lose 20lbs to keep me off medication. So it seems I’m kicking ass but im still dealing with the messiness of depression, anxiety, and other affects of PTSD, so messy is just my reality. I somehow make it work and fight through it but I spend a lot of time in bed or away from socializing still. I am doing my best. My hair is long and messy, it’s my comfort, its weird but it’s helping me feel better about myself. The point of this post is, if you are messy, be messy, it’s okay. Just keep working on yourself and get stronger in the midst of it all. Keep fighting! #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #messy
#mentalhealthawarenessmonth day 24
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Sometimes what we need most to deal with depression and stress, is a walk in nature. Being out in the open air, amongst the birds and trees, letting go the anxiety brought by humanity and our destructive nature. This was a great way to decompress this afternoon, I saw a bald eagle, herons, various birds, a family of geese and a family of swans. Movement is a very big part of dealing with mental illness, so is being one with the environment, understanding we are just part of the fluidity of life, makes me feel so much more connected. I may not have a huge social life but I have the natural world that is always there with me and in me. #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #mindfulness #nature #mentalillness .#mentalhealthawareness
