Goodbye 2011! My Year In Review

2011 has been a very hard year for my family and me and I wanted to write one big blog to talk about it, then put it behind me. The year started the way the previous ended with me being sick with pneumonia. I would be sick from November 2010-February of 2011. In that time I had Bronchitis 4 times and Pneumonia 3 times. It was a brutal way to start the New Year but I eventually recovered. In the midst of the sickness I did stay as active as I could trying to run be a co-pastor of our church and traveling to speaking events. In January my wife Hannah and myself were ordained in Nashville by Anchor Missions USA and had a very blessed experienced at the annual gathering of our churches and missions. Shortly after that I traveled to the snowy Pocono Mountains to speak at a youth retreat. It was a very good but trying weekend as I battled a fever and my sickness. The frigid air made it hard to breath but God gave me strength to deliver three talks in three days. I am very grateful to Brooklawn Methodist Youth Fellowship for giving me such an awesome opportunity to share the Gospel with their kids. The end of winter was spent with me recovering in bed for a few weeks.

I literally spent the rest of January and February in the house, which led to a lot of depression, anxiety and weight gain. It was a very trying time for me because I had not been really sick in many years. By March I was healing up and able to venture out of my house more and more. During this time our church, Hold Fast Ministries, was going through tough times. Our congregation had dropped off to just a handful of people that were trying to keep us a float. Our weekly Pub Bible Study at McGrath’s Pub in Harrisburg was no more due to lack of interest. It seemed like a good time to stop that and focus on the Sunday services. Our team of leaders labored hard and tried to keep us going then in mid March we were hit with a series of of things that led to our ultimate decision to close the doors. First of all Sunday’s were sparsely attended and our staff was often the only ones left. Then our worship leader felt called to step down and attend another church, to which we gave him our blessing. Shortly after our remaining staff all seemed to be called to different areas outside of Hold Fast. Then the nail in the coffin came when the pastor of the United Methodist Church we rented our space in left under trying circumstances and the new pastor wanted more money from us to keep meeting there. That was too much for us to handle so we made a group decision to let Hold Fast go and move forward. It was a very hard thing to do for me as I had labored over the ministry for four years seeing it blossom from nothing and then ultimately fall apart in the end. I learned a lot and I did mourn the loss of it for a time. In the end though I felt like a weight was lifted off my back and I could breath. I had countless opportunity in front of me and wanted to see what I could do with it. I decided to focus on writing and speaking more.

I was able to speak was for a dear friend Pat Green who runs a church and youth outreach in the suburbs of Chicago. They meet in the small working class town of Lockport Illinois. This community of folks was what I needed during the rough time I was going through. Pat and I have known each other for years through online conversations and interaction. He had been an active member of the Revolution messageboards back when I was still helping out there. We were finially able to meet face to face at the Outlaw Preacher Reunion, a conference held in Memphis in December of 2010. I was a speaker there and Pat came to fellowship, learn, and build relationships. So we decided I should come to Chicago and vist with his group, especially his kids at YASO. The groups name stands for Young Adults Speak Out! Pat provides these youth, many of which come from broken homes, poverty, and tough situations, a place to have a voice. It is a mix of group therapy, bible study, and a pizza party held twice a month in Lockport. So I spoke for about 30-40 kids the evening I was there and it was a huge blessing. My heart broke as I heard stories about their situations. I spoke about my own struggles in my youth and how I found a way out through my faith. Some of the kids really grabbed my heart not only because of their situation but by their determination to overcome it. One young woman in particular named Kelly has never left my prayers or thoughts. I won’t go into detail but I believe she is going to be more than she dreams she could ever be one day. My life was changed and my heart was filled after my visit to this community.

After this I returned to Harrisburg encouraged but also very uncertain of my future. I had run Hold Fast full time for four years and prior to that I had been in full time ministry since 2000. I was 35 years old and looking at a blank page so to speak. Though I was known as a minister around town, in the pubs, and in places online I had no real vocational ideas. I was growing anxious and depressed due to my lack of inspiration. My social life was dwindling and my wife was getting worried about me. I had a few good things going for me as I was still writing a quarterly column in the Brethren In Christ newsletter “Shalom” and I had a built relationships with fellow pastors and others on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook. I was able to still minister there even if I had no place to do so at home. I also was still active in the bar scene of Harrisburg where I been hopefully positive force for a few years now. I was just missing something and looking for a sign I guess?

In May I was able to visit my family on Mothers Day but it also was a sad occasion as we lost my Grandpa Ritch who had lived a long and wonderful life. He was a good man, WWII veteran and an amazing cook. It was a time of mourning but more so a time to remember a man we loved dearly. I also was able to meet my newly born nephew Sammy who definitely brought joy into our lives.

Shortly after my return from Ohio I was offered an opportunity to work at a local tattoo shop with a friend who just needed a hand organizing his appointments and office stuff. I started there and during the next few months I was happy, busy, and building new friendships. It wasn’t ministry or what I really wanted but it was something to do. It was a good few months but circumstances beyond our control led to the shop having to close and Frank, my boss, moved to a new location. I decided to not follow him there and began to refocus my attention on ministry.

Shortly before the shop closed down I was visiting my friends in Nashville when I received a call early in the morning that my friend and former church member Mike had taken his own life. It was a very big blow to me as I had known of his troubles and spent countless hours trying to help him. He even had left me a message the night he died but I did not hear it until the next day. I was devastated but also felt that perhaps he had found peace? I came home in time for the funeral and memorial services. It was a very tough time for everyone that knew him and I spent a lot of time just trying to be a place for people to come and get comfort. I felt I still had a pastoral role in the community just not in a formal sense. I had built so many relationships in Harrisburg that were based in the love of Christ. The people I know are well aware of my faith and devotion to God but also my willingness to go into the places most clergy wont ever be seen. This situation in which a loved on takes their own life put a lot of what I do in perspective. I vowed to be available but also to allow myself time to grieve. I was great at the first and not very good at the second. I think that is the problem with all pastors.

After summer came and went I started fall sick again with Bronchitis. I pulled through it well and have been healthy since! Hannah and I also started going to a new church, which has been awesome. We began to attend Cornerstone Fellowship, which actually meets in the same Methodist Church we used to have Hold Fast services in. We are familiar with the folks there and find it very encouraging. The Pastor has had allowed us to serve the church and recognizes our pastoral gifts. I have been very happy in this new setting being able to worship, be fed, and build new relationships with Christian folks. We are still active in our old haunts but this gives us some stability to. There are families, elders, and people to whom we can share our struggles as well as our triumphs with. I also traveled to speak in Redlands California for my good friend Eric Gregson and his church Tithemi. That was a blessing for me as I love the church there as well as the friends I have made over the years. I also had the pleasure to visit a small church called Mountain Top Fellowship in Newport PA that took me back to our own beginnings in ministry. Having to be resourceful and persevere through all kinds of struggle yet remaining faithful. They are a true blessing to the community they serve. I celebrated my 36th birthday on Oct. 28th that ended with me feeling down but I awoke to a snowstorm on the 29th, which was rare and wonderful. I have always loved the snow because it calms me down and I needed it.

The final two months of 2011 were good for the most part. I was able to see the Foo Fighters in concerts with my friend Andrew in November. It was hands down the best concert I have ever seen. Then we had a nice Thanksgiving holiday and overall an uneventful holiday season. Christmas was split between Hannah’s family here in Harrisburg and my family in Cleveland Ohio. We just returned last night form a good, relaxing visit with my family. Now it is the last week of 2011 and I must say I am ready for it to be over. It was a hard year, toughest one in a awhile for me, but 2012 hold promise. I have a an opportunity to possibly serve as a pastor again in a weekly service, I still have some writing opportunities, there are some ideas that I have to help the community and of course I still have my health, my family, my friendships, and my beautiful wife. Most importantly I still have my faith that my Lord Jesus Christ is real and the Holy Spirit continues to guide me. I believe God promises us things and does have a plan so I rest on that. I also understand that I have been given gifts and a call to serve those who I encounter with the love of Christ so I will try my best t do that even more in 2012.

May your year be filed with joy and your homes with blessings.